12:44 a.m. - November 08, 2005
Ramblings of a past life
Today was calmer than yesterday. My car has break problems and won't be fixed untill wednesday. fun. i got my math test back i did better than i thought which is always good and when i fix my problmes and turn them in i'll have a better grade.
I got to thinking today which is scary in itself but despite my on going stuggle with education i really have come along way. Yet it seemed so simple. One of my formor teachers told me that i was a success story. But what happend to the rest of my formor class mates? Nancy is in college and hates it but is in college. Monica is in college again hates it but is there. So who else from my old classes and schools? The other people i've talked to are in school? So who isn't there? i don't really get it. How am i a success story? I left that poor excuse for anything but an elementary school and went to a public high school. Ok so maybe i took the easy classes even when i had a choise but hey who wouldn't? I still got an high school education just alot less homework or more writing assiments than others but how diffrent does that make me?
Was mrs. Balboa just yanking my chain when she said that? or am i the only one who has bothered to visit. Why wouldn't i? 7 and 8th grade might have been hell but 3-6 was kinda fun. Hell the stuff i learned in 4th grade is coming of use to me now. Ok so maybe it's useless compared to the math i stuggle with but hey i can name the major greek, roman , amd egyptian gods. I can tell you the diffrnet types of columns and what they look like or simply point them out. But when i think about it all seems like a breeze.
how did i get this far? why hasn't everyone else. But yet i simile on the fact that my wish to be "normal" came true. Well only to find there is no normal atleast not what i used to picture. But it's better this way. I don't feel cut off from the real world. Granted i'm still in school and my dad pays my bills but i'm living a "normal" life. Ok so my math grade could be better. I could study alot more. My spelling could be a hell of alot better and i could stick to a schedule. But i'm here. Was it that hard?
Ok so convincing my paretns and the money hungry private school to let me go to public school was hard but i did it. Then the whole transistion thing was easy maybe i'm just able to adapt to new places easly or it just wasn't that big of a change. Whatever the reasion was it bothers me that other people like me gave up or listend to what others said not them selves. I guess in the end i have come a long way and i've made it this far because i'm too stubborn to give up when alot of people expect me to fail.
I won't give up now and it seems fate or luck or whatever it may be is on my side.
