11:59 p.m. - 2003-10-05
am i strong enough to survive?
This girl named nicole that i knew in high school invited me into a chat today. kinda dumb. anywho this guy who i knew of in school and took to be kinda dumb was there. hes in college in Mass. hes in college he made it why didn't i make it? whats wronge with me? i miss arizona. or do i? should havei stayed longer? why am i here? i have been thinking this lately. I know now next year i will stay, yes i will. maybe i should have moved away like to CA or AZ or whereever but away from home. GOD DAMN! WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND MY SELF. i know eveything happens for a reasion but maybe this wasn't ment to happen. and why when i smoke i think eveyone is talking about me , my friends... whats going on. eveything i do is weird and gross to julie... maybe i should keep away. maybe i should stick around more and do alot of other things with out smoking so i get to trust her again. i must start going to the gym too, i can't get biger again because if i don't control it i will get biger and biger and never go down and thats un helthy. I start work tomorrow, do i remeber eveything? i hope so, i don't want to screw up too much, lucky for me mondays are slow. ok now i'm tired... bored and sad.. i should get off and take a bath or i donno go for a drive. or blahhhh.
